Rendered Lard and Rhubarb Pie

So today is the day I get to use my lard! I am very excited about using it in all of its white, lardy goodness. The process of rendering it was a tad disgusting, I have to admit, but the results were well worth it.

Basically I started off with about 2.5 pounds of leaf lard purchased at my local farmers market. (I use the word "purchase" loosely...it was actually given to me in exchange for the delivery of a pie using the end product). After cutting it into one inch squares, we put it in a dutch oven, added approximately 3/4 cup of water and then let it cook on the stove-top on low heat for approximately one hour. By the end of the hour, we had approximately a quart of liquid and a lot of chicharrons - which frankly, I'm a little afraid of. It's one thing entirely to eat the lard, but I feel a tad squeamish about eating the by-product.

Don't ask me why, because I've eaten them before, but for some reasons the ones I made look funny.

Regardless, the lard itself is beautiful and should be fabulous in a pie crust.

In addition, my use of the lard today is my contribution to the "Fight Back Fridays" campaign, which you can read more about here.

Pictures of the finished pies will be posted as soon as I find my handy little USB transfer tool...

UPDATE:

Here are a few pics of both the lardy goodness and the pie it produced. A bit messy, and I should probably use some pastry flour next time for the perfect texture, but not bad for a first go!

Lard and Fruit and Raw Milk oh my!

So we had a very productive trip to the farmer's market this morning. Unfortunately there were no eggs, but I did find bunches of greens, some fabulous rhubarb and, to top if off I managed to score 2 whole pounds of free lard! Leaf lard none the less!

All I have to do is bake a succulent strawberry rhubarb pie and bring it to the Lard Man next weekend. I suspect I am getting the better end of the deal...

I have almost finished the book Real Food, which I have decided everyone on the planet needs to read. My obsession with lard and raw milk has become fairly entrenched and I am even considering driving over an hour in order to buy several $10 gallons of raw milk.

Yes I realize that is ridiculously expensive, but it comes with free butter! In that the cream rising to the top can be churned into butter in the privacy of my own home if I am so inclined. It is worth the experiment imo, and if I can convince the dairy owner to ship me milk, it will be totally worth it.

In the meantime, I have to take care of my sick little boy, who is suffering from a head cold. I don't imagine lard will be of much help in this situation, but according to the activists, I probably should be stuffing him full of raw milk!

Scary Meat

Once again I am reading a book that makes me wonder how people can be so stupid about their food.

In the book Real Food by Nina Planck, she goes through the differences between conventional (aka, industrial) beef and natural, happy cows. Who, for the record, do not come from California.

Reading it actually makes me physically ill, and when I think about the arrogance, stupidity, hostility, and general abuse with which conventional cows are treated, it makes me cry. And then want to throw up every single piece of beef I've ever eaten that was not raised on grass and allowed to roam free.

Just the information about E. Coli alone is enough to make me want to buy my own cow and name her and give her grass, not to mention the horrible stories about feed-lots, nitrogen waste, and open sores. And don't even get me started on the fact that all the corn being fed these poor abused animals is grown by Monsanto. And we know how I feel about them.

Aside from instilling in me a desire to own my own ranch and refuse point blank to buy anything from an animal to whom I haven't been introduced and have a personal relationship, it makes me really wonder what the hell people are thinking.

Is it not obvious, commonsensical, rational to think that if you eat something that is sick, you too will get sick? I mean, you wouldn't eat rotten potatoes or sour milk (unless you were starving or dared to) so why would you eat meat from a diseased cow? Do people really think humanity is so amazing that we can over-write the natural order without consequences?

The only conclusion I can draw is that indeed we do! Not only does this apply to our food, but also to our environment, our own physicality, our children, and even our pets.

Clearly, humanity has become full of itself. My solution? Abject humiliation on a regular basis.

Meat? Really?

I don't really buy into the assertion that vegetarianism is good for you. Humans evolved to eat meat. And while we can survive without animal protein in our diet, we are generally healthier if we consume the occasional egg or steak.

Which is why I find it really hard to believe that the biggest impact we, as a species, can make on the environment is to stop eating animals.

Give me a break. You're telling me that eating meat is more polluting to our environment than driving around, flying an airplane, dumping pharmaceuticals in our water, power washing the driveway, and Monsanto? Why do I have such a hard time believing this is anything more than crazy vegan propaganda, designed to instill me with the same self-loathing that those poor, anemic, animal loving, tofu-eaters seem to be consumed by?

And I quote:

On of the most meaningful things we can do to arrest climate change is to change the way we eat. As discussed previously, and as hammered home by the head of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change in recent lectures in London and Paris, the meat industry is one of the most devastating causes of global warming. And this is not just factory farming--some analysis indicates that smaller farms cause more warming. They're generally better for animal welfare, water pollution, and desertification, but they actually require more resources, and thus cause more greenhouse gas emissions.

We need government change: We need a shift away from the billions in annual subsidies for the meat industry, as discussed in a Union of Concerned Scientists report. We need more healthy vegetarian foods in schools and other government programs. We need education of the public about this very real cause for alarm and potential solutions. We need leaders who understand the issues and take them seriously. But we also need all of us to take personal charge of our lives, and to do what we can personally to decrease our support for climate change.

This implies that not only does my desire for chicken cause untold suffering, but also that even if I were to buy my hens from local farmers using free-range practices, I'd still be ruining the planet!

The author lumps in my craving for fowl with the destructive effects of large scale, South American cattle ranching!

And on another note:

...if the Earth is warmed by a mere 4 degrees Celsius, by the year 2099 the planet will become unrecognizable. We will have warm, acidic seas that will probably not sustain fish; many of the areas where food is grown and populations flourish will no longer be able to provide for either because of vast flooding or desertification...

Imagine what it might be like if 9 billion (the projected population by then) people are all scrambling to stake claim to a few select and prime habitable areas on the planet.

Really? 9 billion people?

So, apparently 3 billion more people will be living on the planet by 2099? Given all the current environmental pollution problems, potential pandemics, economic concerns and potential food shortages, what makes the mis-informed author of this piece think that there might actually be 9 billion human beings on the planet in 90 years?

I read the book Beyond Beef many years ago and am well aware of how grotesque the whole cattle industry is.

But come on! If I want a piece of fried chicken and have a nice plump hen in my backyard, you can hardly accuse me of destroying the planet.

Maybe the poor authors blood sugar was low. Vegetarianism does that.

Rude people

So I met my neighbor this weekend and discovered that he was the owner of a French pastry shop! How excited was I? Turns out that he is the proprietor of a place called Le Zodiac here in town, a place I have wanted to try for a very long time.

Excited about going, my mother, son and I bundled ourselves into the car and headed over to what we hoped would be a lovely French cafe with fabulous coffee and delicious pastries.

What we found reminded me of why I hate France. The proprietor (NOT my neighbor thankfully) was the biggest fucking dick of a French fuck I have every had the displeasure of interacting with.

The web site I linked above stated that the hours for the place where from 7 to 3:30. When we arrived at 2 and saw that the place was in the process of being shut down, I mentioned to the frog fucker that the web site said the place was open until 3:30.

His response was "And I am saying 2:30." But it wasn't just what he said, it was how he said it. As though I was not only beneath his notice, but also disgusting and repugnant at the same time. And I will absolutely discuss his horrible attitude with my neighbor the next chance I get. I'm all for supporting local businesses, but not if they treat me like something they wiped off their shoe.



Gives me half a mind to sick Gordon Ramsey on the place.

While the pastry was fabulous, I'd rather have sex with a dog than go back while that arrogant ass is working the counter. Just who the hell does he think he is, anyway?

I mean really, what the hell have the french invented aside from choux pastry that is really worth talking about?

(As it turns out, quite a lot.)

Horse Shit!

I say horse shit!

All over my yard and in my shoes!

Well, okay, it isn't actually in my shoes but for some reason I like the way that sounds...

An entire load of horse manure was dropped in my garden space today by the father of my child and tomorrow it will be tilled into the soil and planting will begin! I already have a lovely pair of gardening shoes in which to work. I would show you all a picture, but apparently there aren't any. I bought shoes that no longer exist.

So my mother's day will be spent shoveling shit and planting seeds and generally getting so sunburned I won't be able to move the next day. Very exciting stuff, if I do say so myself. I am really excited about having a garden this year, as it is the first time I have ever undertaken such a venture.

We will be planting corn and beans and carrots and turnips and potatoes and chilis and tomatoes..the list goes on ad nauseum. We also purchased several fruit trees and while they will not yield any fruit this year, the established trees will and already are showing signs of delicious-ness.

There is something very satisfying about growing your own food, and I have been looking at our seeds and our plots and literally deducting the food costs in my head. Now all I need is a canner and we can be set for the whole year! Oh, and I need some goats and a place to grow oats...

Aside from that we're almost totally self sufficient! Er, well except for the electricity and the city water... >.>

Damnit!